Monday, December 22, 2014

Who The Hell Wanted Another Annie Anyway??

Annie is a god awful childhood memory that will not go away. For some insane reason, some producer gets it into their head that they wanna make a production of Annie. Then parents bring their kids to see the cheese-fest. Time passes and it seems like, thankfully the whole godawful experience has been forgotten. But that's just the problem with history... if we allow ourselves to forget, we will likely pay for it by repeating the same mistakes time and time again. About ten years pass. Some new producer says, "Hey I've got an idea for an easy money maker... Annie!" Suddenly the kids have grown up. They say, "I wonder what I can do with MY kids for a couple hours. Well Annie's the only thing out. It can't POSSIBLY be as bad as I remember." But they're wrong. Annie will always be as bad as we remember. Because Annie is just annoying... and bad. Nobody in their right minds will want to go to a new production of Annie. But then another ten years pass and, like a serpent, insanity somehow slips back into the culture... and suddenly... well you get the point...
I hate Annie. I've never liked it. Everyone I've ever spoken to about Annie seems to agree with me. So how the hell does it keep on coming back????
Anyway, I think I've ranted long enough. The fact that this 2014 rendition is still Annie automatically hurts any credibility it has as its own movie. But that didn't stop the writers from trying to make us okay with the idea of watching a new Annie flick. And to be fair, it almost works. Some of the added songs are actually good... And the girl they got to play the not-so-"lovable orphan", Quvenzhané Wallis is actually pretty good. But then any movie with Cameron Diaz in it is instantly gonna drop back down in my estimation. And oh yeah, I don't wanna forget this... the lip-syncing is some of the worst I have EVER seen.
Look, any time a producer gets it in their head that a new Annie sounds like a good idea, that producer should be instantly demoted... because Annie is a national atrocity that we've had to deal with like a plague for far too long.


1 comment:

  1. I like the original ANNIE. I actually like the music of ANNIE. This version of ANNIE was...all right. Cameron Diaz was a big problem, didn't seem to have a hold of the character; didn't quite understand Bobby Cannavale's motivation, as it didn't make THAT much sense (he got Kim Jung Il elected?), and the lip-synching was MY GOD MY GOD DIDN'T THEY EVER YELL CUT?!?!

    But Wallis, Foxx, Byrne...great! I liked "Opportunity" a lot, and thought that the attempt to make the songs come from some sort of source (MTV video, squeaking mops, bicycle bells, etc.), was actually pretty inspired, and at least attempted to freshen up a story/genre we all know.

    I'm all for the continued production of ANNIE.