Sunday, May 8, 2011

Wet Floor: Can You Say Climax?

When I came into this flick I was hesitant. Not because I thought it looked bad... I really couldn't tell what I thought. The idea was so simple, and sometimes simplicity makes for the greatest of plots. And sometimes it just makes for awkward watching. I enjoyed Limitless while I watched it. I questioned certain choices. Particularly a scene involving ice skates. But the grandest miss by the writers here was the utter lack of climax. It's so strange to come to the end of your film and realize you've missed the most important part of the story. It is a tremendous cop out to just say "one year later"
when half of the plot has yet to be resolved. And no one is supposed to care that those murder charges just magically disappeared? Oy vey. Yeah, I said it. The bookend is fun, I'll admit that, but the lead up of him against the guys in the apartment just isn't the moment the writers seemed to hope it would be. It doesn't deliver on any of the promises we were told.

Rating: Tragically Incomplete

She and her dad were great. Weird that Kate didn't deliver.
And then there was Hanna. The first hour promised so many wonderful exciting things. And then the writers realized they couldn't make a franchise and went ahead with tying everything up in a nice neat bloody bow. The blood does not refer to the characters that have been killed in the process, nay... When I say bloody I am implying that the writers cut off their hands to spite the studio. "Hey, you don't want to make a sequel? Well then here. Enjoy the mess you forced us to make." What vicious spite.

Rating: A Halfway Perfect Film With Rushed TV Finale

Darth Maul and Patrick Wilson? I dunno. I guess that when two bad directors get together to make the ultimate shitty movie we can't really expect anything from them. I don't know why I saw it. I don't know why I stuck around to finish it. The thing is this movie, if studied strictly, can show you everything you want to know about troubleshooting a bad film.

Rating: Mediocrity Lesson

Perhaps one of the worst scripts I have ever seen put to film. However, the animation is glorious. Too bad it was wasted on this material.

Rating: Fodder For Toddlers Who Can't Tell What's Going On In A Movie Yet

Water For Elephants
That's how awkward their romance is in the movie...
Just not as good as it could have been. You know, if they had pushed for an R rating this could be a very decent film. But when that last tent sequence occurs and not a single person seems to actually get hurt by the hungry animals... well there's clearly something missing. On another note, Robert Pattinson can't act, so maybe someone could stop giving him roles that require he simply emote. Maybe he could play a statue?

Rating: Should Have Been R

African Cats
Um, this was pretty awesome. Samuel L. Jackson narrates with a chuckle in his voice. I like that. As repetitive as it seemed at times the ultimate effect was quite powerful. Be careful with young ones here as it does get a little intense from time to time.

Rating: Nature Makes Good Stories.

As usual more bad than good... but summer's here and good things are on the horizon. I can't wait to see Thor and I intend to discuss Scream 4 in some depth in an upcoming article. Keep your eyes peeled for something worth spending the $12.50* on.

*Price may differ by theatre.

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