I've been through an experience these last four days, seen things in a new light, and connected with people I was almost certain I would never see again. This was my first official Wedding Invite... (not family related wherein I was just a carry along kid at the party) it also marks the first time in my life I truly knew and cared about the people getting married. And I finally get the gossip. Weddings are beautiful things. Weddings are emotional and wonderful and filled with radiance and hope and light.
So this particular wedding was in Florida. I swore to not return to that land for at least a year... so I was surprised when, and so soon, I returned to my measly growing pains of Coral Springs.
Now I wouldn't be the first person to say this last year has been something fierce and difficult... but it has also been an experience which has shed knew light on my past, present, and hopeful future. After spending days with old friends and family I am retrofitting my mind. It's amazing to see what has changed about others and even more so about myself. I find myself constantly asking, "Am I repeating that way of being?" "Have I changed this about myself?" "How would I be affected by this same scenario today?" And I keep coming up with this same realization, that some people are so very important to me, have always been important for reasons I cannot explain. And for whatever reasons any distance has grown between us over time, they still mean the world to me.
Scale it down.
The bride and groom are great old friends. From the bottom of my heart I wish them all the joy in the world. Funny, some friends are "like a good book" he reckoned long ago, you put it down and pick it up later exactly where you left off. And all is remembered. I love this feeling. Knowing there are constants in the world makes it seem not so random. It adds a continuity to creation that one can rarely perceive. But, none-the-less, it is there.
Beyond this, new meetings with other such people... those you expect will one day fill a similar place in your heart... greatly increases my own positive outlook. Benevolent Universe, you dog you.
But why I really write this today, and right now of all times at 4:40AM EST, is for the relationships I put down long ago and never thought I would get a chance to pick up again. People exist in the world that affect our lives in big ways... and we usually never realize just how much they have done for us until much much later. And since I returned to my old home, I was gifted a rare opportunity to revive some of those once invisible relationships. It was worth it.
Most people are not so much like a book at all... you put them down and when you finally get a chance to pick them back up, they have grown, they have changed, and it is epic to think of what that means. It means that the world is a reality... it is simple reality, no smoke, no mirrors. And we all must make the best of that reality, need not fight it, nor fold to it, but let it happen and see what happens and be what happens.
These words are mostly trying to emulate a feeling: this amazing feeling I am feeling right now, and since last night, and since the night before. I think it's called oneness, love, harmony. It certainly feels harmonic, like I could be floating in the Heliosphere if only I could get my feet off the ground.
I hope the people who have made me feel this way read this and realize I am talking about them, but I doubt very much any of them follow my blog. After all, I don't really publicize to these friends, I usually toss a line on Twitter (I don't think they're on Twitter) and see what happens. But this is the Thank You note I am writing on 0 sleep before flying and losing three hours of my life on a five hour flight. Thanks Florida for helping me to feel this way.
1. Star Eyes (I Can't Catch It) - Danger Mouse & Sparklehorse
2. By Some Miracle - Philip Selway
3. God - Jack's Mannequin (Cover)
4. Missing - Beck
5. If You See Natalie - Eels
6. Deeper Than Love - Antony & The Johnsons
7. Jesus, Etc. - Wilco
8. The Gunner's Dream - Pink Floyd
9. Smokey Taboo - CocoRosie
10. Heroine - Blonde Redhead
11. Comin' Back To Me [Live] - Jefferson Airplane
12. Forest On Fire - Tiny Vipers
13. Dawn Mist (The Temple) - Deuter
14. I Would For You - The Dresden Dolls
15. I Already Miss You - The Kooks
16. Hand In Hand - Dire Straits
17. Three Fishers - The Duhks
18. We Won't Need Legs To Stand - Sufjan Stevens