Hercules: Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

Did you know, The Rock is in a Hercules movie? That alone makes this an interesting idea... who would be better casting right now for that role? But Brett Ratner is also the director, which quickly makes me wonder...

The saddest fact about Hercules is that we still aren't getting a legitimate adaptation of his story... the twelve labors and the monolithic son-of-god hero quality. Regardless, there's a fun concept buried in this film. Hercules is a traveling mercenary for hire. He has a team of warriors that trust him completely. And he's about to get A LOT of money doing a job for the king of Thrace. But under all of his battle-worn rough soldier exterior, he's still got a conscience. And it's telling him something's not right in his new boss' kingdom.

The cast is actually quite excellent. Obviously Dwayne Johnson got beefed up even more than usual for the part. And he does a solid job with a lackluster script. And John Hurt is (as always) a joy to watch as the king. He seems to just be having such a good time these days. Every film I've seen him in of late, I could sense that he's just glad to be out there doing his job. Then there's Ian McShane, who makes a pretty ridiculous character role still feel entertaining enough not to get too old too fast. Rufus Sewell has been better, but he's just here to be a clean voice of reason... sort of. I was still happy to see him show up. And I really liked Ingrid Bolsø Berdal. I hope I get to see more from her in the future.

But the positives pretty much end there. The final film is irrationally squeaky clean, leading me back to my original expectation, that Brett Ratner doesn't really know or care how to put any amount of edge or style into his movies. I liked Red Dragon back in 2002, but since then... and even before really (yeah I'm including the Rush Hours)... it's been a steady stream of unimpactful, formulaic, boring movies. I think everybody already realized this long ago, but he's not the guy Spielberg thought he would be when he gave him a chance all those years ago.

Hercules could've been a really entertaining, bigger-than-life, sword and sandal, action flick. But in the end, a poor script and even poorer direction left it sprawling in a pool of mediocrity. While I'd like to say, "we deserve better," I'm sadly aware they can't all be winners. Oh well.

Thankfully Snowpiercer Was Awesome!

This is more like it! Man it's been a rough couple of weeks for movies. Fortunately this new Joon-ho Bong flick hit theaters just when I needed it the most... when I had begun to lose all hope for this summer.

Snowpiercer is just plain interesting. It's thoroughly entertaining all the way from the source concept: the last remnants of the human race, stuck together in a constantly moving train...

sociological and scientific metaphors abound. And it's just damn fun to watch... from beginning to end. It reminds me of older films like The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover or City of Lost Children... that kind of art house film that somehow managed to get bigger than life. This is a BIG art house flick in the best possible way. And it's the kind of outlandish perspective we've been missing in bigger Hollywood movies that somehow seem smaller despite their massive budgets. Not that Snowpiercer had a small budget, but when you compare it to that of expected blockbusters, it's at least half the price.

But enough of that. This movie had an exceptional and often surprisingly cool cast. Chris Evans was clearly having a blast and it's so interesting to see how excited he gets about making movies like this. I hope he continues to choose such solid projects in the future, now that he has some amount of movie star clout to throw around.

Kang-ho Song is amazing as usual. He constantly proves to me that Korean cinema can provide a platform for good actors to be big and entertaining. Ah-sung Ko was also wonderful to watch! I love how much of The Host (2006) made it into this movie. And I love that Bong clearly still trusts these actors. And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the epic talents of John Hurt here as well. He's just too damn good. I could list off the rest of the cast, but I really don't want to ruin any of those surprises. Just be prepared to catch a glimpse of a whole bunch of awesome actors you know and love doing their damnedest to make a good movie. It's really quite cool how many people wanted to be a part of this.

Snowpiercer is the antithesis of the studio summer blockbuster. It shows what a big idea can be if it is allowed to flourish. And it proves that two writers working together on an idea is better than an entire stable of producers trying to get their ideas stuffed into one movie. It never wavers from its path and at every turn, the stakes get higher until by the end of the movie I was just so happy I got on the train with these absurd characters.

If you're as sick of movies like Transformers 4 as I am... check out Snowpiercer. It's so much more what Sci-Fi is supposed to be.

Jim Jarmusch Doldrums On With Only Lovers Left Alive

Only Lovers Left Alive opened with a series of spinning shots that, between the motion and the sound mixing, made me ridiculously dizzy. And my filmgoing experience never recovered.

It's not to say that I was dizzy or uncomfortable the whole time, rather it felt to me as though Jim Jarmusch was simply trying to annoy everyone he managed to get into the theatre. In pulling together such an excellent cast (Tom Hiddleston, Tilda Swinton, Mia Wasikowska, John Hurt, Anton Yelchin, and Jeffrey Wright) he legitimately got me excited for what could only be a very interesting take on Vampires... only to thoroughly disappoint me with a two hour script that could have been condensed into twenty minutes. There is practically no plot to be spoken of. And while an attempt was made to build an incredibly dense history of this vampire world, it quickly became evident the film was simply on repeat. By the time something "important" (and I use the word lightly) did happen, I was completely beyond caring. And while the music element was consistently being hyped up throughout the film, there was never any legitimate payoff for that idea.

At this point I'm willing to come out and say this... I don't like Jim Jarmsuch's films. I've only ever seen one that I enjoyed (Broken Flowers), and even that one sticks in my memory mostly for having one of the worst endings I've ever seen. I'm a cinephile, but I don't know that I have it in me to give the man any more chances.

Only Lovers Left Alive is a sloppy, boring film that wastes its exceptional cast in meandering anti-plot. It left me with a feeling that I had just been watching a boring couple spend an entire evening complaining and not going anywhere or having any fun with each other. And that does not a good film make.