Sponge Out Of Water Makes This The Weirdest Weekend In Film History

Between Jupiter Ascending's insane world building and culture creation and the new SpongeBob movie, I can't imagine any other weekend this year will host nearly the same level of overall insanity. I honestly can't think of any two movies in existence with quite this level of ridiculousness... not ever in all of the films I've watched.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water eludes definition... it is a post apocalyptic, time travel, interdimensional, animated comedy... about a sponge, a plankton, a squirrel, a crab, and a star fish chasing down a pirate with aspirations to be the greatest food truck proprietor in the land. Um... what?? Yeah, I will admit my brain felt at least three times smaller after watching this flick, but it was constantly laugh inducing and overwhelmingly eye popping... this film may actually go down in the records as the first feature known to clinically cause ADD in young children. But damn if it wasn't a fun ride.

I know the ads have made this flick out to be the craziest thing you've ever seen... and well... Let me just put it this way, I imagine that Hunter S Thompson would probably celebrate this film for its high level of artistic integrity... and its fair justifications of reality.

Whatever the case, I would recommend this flick as heartily as I recommend the first SpongeBob movie that came out back in 2004. Though I must admit, this one somehow managed to be even weirder. But that's what Nickelodeon has always been able to do so well with their films... kids are weird, so kids movies should be weird. I really do believe Nickelodeon made the right movie once again, though I can't hope to imagine how children will respond to this thing.

Mark it: Friday, February 6th 2015... by far the weirdest day in film history.

I'm Amazed By The Sheer Scope Of Jupiter Ascending...

...if only The Wachowskis could've kept up the same level of complexity with the plot.

I heard a rumor that the original screenplay for Jupiter Ascending was 600 pages long... no you didn't read that wrong. That's the word on the street anyway. So how the hell did that translate into a two hour film?? I have simply no answers for you. I could try to make something up, like half of that page count went into describing the insane world that The Wachowskis were creating. And believe me it is insane! Don't believe me?

A Mog (obligatory Spaceballs reference) wearing anti-gravity rollerblades fights a dragon with a laser gun over an imploding factory that exists (I don't really know why) within the noxious atmosphere of a gas giant. Still don't believe me? Well I don't know what else to tell ya.

Jupiter Ascending is a brave film. And an expensive one. And while the final picture lacks much in the way of suspense or real character development, the world building is second to only perhaps JRR Tolkien... Yeah, it's that well detailed. The locations and overall concept for the Galactic force that currently exists there all feel really well constructed. The ideas are simply awe-inspiring. But Mila Kunis (for as much as I like her) just doesn't sell it. She can't get the job done in a film like this, or perhaps she needs a director as skilled as Darren Aronofsky. And while I loved The Wachowskis' Cloud Atlas and will defend Speed Racer to any critic that comes along, I am very much aware that they are not actors' directors. Their MO is FX. And that's perfectly alright by me.

Look, we need bigger than life films from Hollywood... films that change the game and set new bars. So we need to allow mistakes and films with growing pains like Jupiter Ascending to exist. If we let flicks like this fail, we may never get another chance to see something as groundbreaking and original as Star Wars (the first one) or The Matrix (also the first one). I know it seems unfair to ask this of the film community, but this is a movie you really should see just to keep the studios honest. I promise there's more than enough here to keep you in your seat. And even if you don't like it (there's a good chance you'll have some disagreements with the filmmakers), Jupiter Ascending sure is an excellent conversation piece... and the kind of project that ultimately paves the way for stronger, more creative films to come.

It's kind of up to us guys... just saying.

The Green Prince Is Eye Opening

I walked into The Green Prince blind to the documentary's overall plot and found myself completely enthralled in the true story that unfolded.

The Green Prince tells the story of unlikely friends Mosab Hassan Yousef and Gonen Ben Yitzhak, one the eldest son of a high-level Palestinian extremist and the other an Israeli Shin Bet secret agent. These two form an incredible bond in the face of a hateful adversity that I can't even begin to imagine. And through their many efforts, they almost made the world a much safer place to live. This is a compelling story told directly from the perspectives of the men who lived it.

Nadav Schirman has made an excellent film on only his third try. It's one of those stories you owe it to yourself to know more about.

If You Like Great Sports Docs, Check Out Red Army

One subject I'd never considered looking further into in the past is the Russian athletic program of the Cold War... mostly because I assumed there wouldn't be much written about it given the iron curtain of said time. But damn if it isn't a compelling piece of history.

Red Army is Gabe Polsky's latest, and his first documentary feature. It chronicles the rise and fall of Russian hockey back when the USSR was still a thing. And that program's incredible level of dominance is something deserving of remembrance... Rather, those players are deserving of much  recognition. While the system that built them is responsible for getting them to that level, those players had to fight through the most adverse of circumstances to gain any sense of value from their achievements. When your country doesn't allow individual recognition, it can clearly hover over the people who are accomplishing great feats like a rain cloud. And their mentality will not always stick to the system that has kept them in check for all of those years when they learn of examples of other ways of life.

The obvious lead of this film is Vyacheslav Fetisov, a one-time captain of the Red Army team who currently holds a high-ranking position in the Russian government. He holds more accolades in hockey than you can count, so it's cool that he was willing to sit down for a documentary like this. Sometimes the world seems to get warmer when individuals prove themselves to be brave enough to discuss matters that at one time seemed shrouded in secrecy, you know? And to learn his story in such a succinct manner, with so much character attached, I felt a huge relief come over me to be living in the age I am now.

Polsky's Red Army may not be Oscar bound, but it's up for several other awards, and deservingly so. The film that made it to screen is just plain good. If you like sports documentaries, you'll definitely like this. But even if you're not normally a sports fan and perhaps (somehow) don't enjoy the occasional history lesson, I still suggest you give Red Army a chance. It's just damn good.

Art And Craft Is An Excellent Example Of Character Study...

...in real life figures.

Mark Landis is a strange personality. He has broken no real laws, yet his persona is left shrouded in negativity and expletives from the people he has fooled and affected over the past thirty years. Landis is a forger of fine art. And he has been overwhelmingly successful in his ability to get curators of museums to actually hang his art beside real works for people to "admire." Mark Landis is a liar and a con artist. But he may also be an exceptional fine artist in his own right if he were to just choose that path rather than the one he has set for himself.

In Art and Craft, Sam Cullman, Jennifer Grausman, and Mark Becker have created a truly provocative argument about the qualities of a man who's only accomplishments have lain in tomfoolery and misdirection thus far. Their film feels fluid and cinematic at every turn. And the manner with which they approach their subject is never with a malicious intent. And while Mark Landis is likely a lost soul at this stage in his life, the question always lingers: can his odd set of skills be turned to good?

When you experience Landis' personality and level of ability for an hour and a half, it may seem difficult to understand where he's coming from, but it is clear that he is someone who needs help; a lost soul. Every path he's taken has been from the perspective of a child playing games and building arts and crafts. But he is an aged man who has been left to live on more psychological meds than he can count. And while there may be no happy ending to this story, I found Art and Craft to be a compelling exploration of one of the more bizarre real life characters in recent memory.

You're Gonna Wanna See The Internet's Own Boy

Censorship is never a good thing. It's amazing that we've made it as long as we have as a society while still allowing people to censor us... sure censorship is a complicated subject dealing with the ideas of where power lies and how control can be attained. But some individuals are better formed to combat such convoluted issues than others.

The Internet's Own Boy is the true life story of a real genius, Aaron Swartz... cofounder of reddit and all around do-gooder. This is a guy who saw big problems from a very unlikely position... if an individual can chip away at the big stuff, eventually they'll be able to expose the soft underbelly... and clean out the bugs. If one person stands up the right way, the rest will inherently follow. Aaron was clearly an amazing thinker. It seems he could see problems from more sides than most and could work through them with unparalleled abandon. His tool and most powerful weapon was the internet itself. But then the justice system came in and decided they wanted (not even needed) to make an example... and because of a far more broken system than I usually like to admit, we'll now be deprived of one of the most brilliant minds of our generation.

I know it's a real downer. But if you don't know the story of Aaron Swartz, you owe it to yourself to learn. This is a fascinating documentary with a very relatable perspective. Brian Knappenberger found a very compelling way to give an unjustly sad story a necessary and hopefully positive message. While most of us may not be computer geniuses or the like, I think this film certainly proves that one man CAN make a difference. And that's the kind of thing American's need to be reminded of on a regular basis... before infringements into our rights go too far.

If You Like Jazz Or Positive Stories, Check Out Keep On Keepin' On

If you're more interested in a positive story out of your documentaries, this film'll likely get your goat.

Keep On Keepin' On is the true life story of legendary Jazz musician Clark Terry. But rather than tell us all about his storied career, the film intentionally veers off to focus in on the amazing work that Clark Terry has been doing as a teacher. Sure he's made more albums than you can count and he probably hasn't done too bad financially, but his real mark will likely come in those myriad students he personally took the time to coach and help up into the professional Jazz fold... Miles Davis... Quincy Jones... that's the caliber of student this guy's raised. So this is the story of Clark Terry's mentorship of a young, blind piano player named Justin Kauflin. And it's a very cool example of what this Jazz master has been up to, particularly in his later years.

Frankly, I'm a little surprised the Academy didn't nominate this thing for best documentary. The film's approach to its subject is just different from most docs that are out there. And it has a very clear, concise story to tell from an angle that no one's seen before. Clark Terry is the ultimate badass, and he deserves to have more films made about his storied career. But this is a rare glimpse at the man after all of his success, and the proof that not everyone who makes it big necessarily has to lose themselves to the darker side of celebrity.

I really enjoyed Keep On Keepin' On. If you like music, or just a positive take on humanity, this is a pretty good flick for you. Alan Hicks knocked it out of the park on his first try.